HE ALREADY IS ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR ON YOUR M! Right now you are fearful of losing him. He said he did not want to be controlled. You can only change how you react to him. I have never written on one of these things before, but have been reading through your advice and feel to be gaining a lot from it. I said my 2-3 sentences calmly and left the room. There is no excuse for cheating and doing what he is doing. Leave me out of the equation. Or just dont engage with him except about finances and your baby. Not any more. I wish I had not been so trusting. My mind truthfully runs rampant, its horrible. I wonder, if/when the fog clears, how do you lay a new foundation of trust in the age of smartphones and computers? There are all kinds of repercussions for these things, and none of them are really good. I feel like im just being chipped away every day. I also have to stick to the 180, for myself. Just a thought. Just walked in and demanded a D. And a few hours later I told him he no longer had any control over me or my life b/c I was done playing games. Dday2 was a shock but less so b/c I called OW to get answers on why my H was acting so crazy and irrational. I should just be honest with him and tell him I dont know what to do and where we stand, but im so sick of bringing things up and watching his face just fall in annoyance (sometimes). Again I think there is more to this story. She said that it was a form of escape and that she would end it. Most of the time, because of the kids, I acted like nothing was happening. I am 31, married almost 3 years (together 9) with a new 5 month old baby. I know you are desperate to save your M. I was too. I see it. I drew a firm boundary and said that I wanted to work on saving our relationship. Document everything including his abandonment of you and kids. He doesnt have to deal with any sort of reality of life with her because everything is still virtual. And then I was calling the shots. It blows my mind honestly. But would go back to treating me horribly a few days later. But I also just hate this. I sleep all the time (well Pot makes me sleep and eat but all I want to do everytime I leave the house is go back and smoke pot and sleep), I was very ambitious and I had all these plans for my career and for us but Ive lost all the zeal. You rug sweep his A, never again ask questions, allow him to wander in at all hours of the morning and expect no answers about where he has been etc. He is expecting you to give in to him. Is this at all possible to do under the same roof without hating him? He will clean up the kitchen while I sit reading a book. Did she get back in touch? He got really angry and said I dont do anything around the house besides feed the baby and that he could do what I do. Like I said, hes never waivered from saying he felt absolutely nothing for her, but he also never waivered from anything I cant prove in black & white, tangible, irrefutable evidence. Do you know if I will get your email address sent to me? It sounds like your h is irresponsible and immature because he acts like a selfish overgrown toddler. And I let him back in 6 days later like an idiot and soon enough, it all falls apart again. Im TERRIFIED he is lying to me and is going to go somewhere to see her. But I also cant just live in limbo if he is giving me no inkling that we will have a future. Unfortunately I, like you, and everyone here knows what it is like to be blindsided by an affair. Creston Its like the more we live like roomates, the more his feelings for me will dwindle I feel. I said I know youre still talking to her and I cant do it anymore. I walked away, he followed me and said I was wrong but I shut the bathroom door and got in the shower and then I told him I needed a breather and i went for a drive. You dont cheat. Thank you for this. Its so scary. They got no validation or acknowledgement Their behavior was ignored. But im SO sick of just trying to be so happy and so upbeat all the time around him. I wish we could just have fun, We were for a while there after the separation and now it really just feels so blah. I got the baby in the stroller and I went for a run.
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