But I dont want to go on never knowing for sure and being confused. Note that if you are BPD you might want to find a therapist who offers the therapies that work for BPD as not all do (read about it here http://bit.ly/BPDtreatment). In my dream it is always the same thing, i am about 2 years old still in diapers and my ex stepdad is changing my diaper all of a sudden i feel pain in the vagina and when i sit up to look he is taking his finger out and it has blood on it. I later ran to the toilet to vomit. I Dont remember how this happened but things started to get sexual. Im just not comfortable enough to truly get to know them. If you are have PTSD and you do something like psychodynamic therapy, asked to talk again and again about things from the past, you can trigger yourself into fear mode again and again, leading to a lot of anxiety and fear!! Its very hard when abuse is linked to the Church or other forms of authority, and its deeply sad when power is abused in such ways, we are sorry to hear about it all. Unless a time machine is built its important to focus on healing symptoms instead. We can make excuses for them and i see people doing this all the time. Thank you for all this kind sharing. I grew up very religious, completely segregated from boys. I thought I was addicted, but sometimes I do get an overwhelming feeling of guilt for no reason. Jade, thank you for this courageous sharing. Do you have trouble showing affection towards others? We know that people can be abused and not remember it as adults. But shame is a strange thing. If talking hasnt worked, perhaps research therapies that can help trauma which are less focused on talking, like EMDR, clinical hypnosis and somatic therapy. I also remember that he was really nice to me and I was very fond of him until I got a little older. Thank you! I dont know where I got the idea to do that. Is there another adult you could talk to, like a relative you trust? I was never able to achieve orgasm with another person until I married and had sex with my husband. And I truly truly dont know if its real. especially one i hated the most. You deserve some help with this. And if you had had something done to you, to then do it to another child. My friend would laugh, so I would too, but I always felt uncomfortable about it. They thought I actually liked him. DBT often includes a group component which might work for you perhaps a group might feel less intense and stressful than one-on-one. In kindergarten on the first day I was caught playing Ill show you mine if you show me yours with a little boy. If you have any advice thats not just to keep trying at random and hope this one will help instead of recreating the trauma of disbelief again, Im happy to hear it. I dont remember anything but I dont have to because I just knew it happened. I found it hard to say no and I was disgusted of the thought of even doing anything, at the same time felt like I had to. Part of me wants to rip him to shreds, part of me is sad for him, maybe he was abused too. A quote from the most positive musician in the world I know of Nahko and Medicine for the People, from the US also. After the last therapy under hypnsosis, tickle dreams came back and i am always at my uncles house or he is very often in my dreams. Its nothing to do with you, not remotely your fault, and it doesnt make you weird. The man was seemingly nice and the woman seemed to always leave the room as if she knew what was about to happen. i was rape by a cousin of mine it was really painful and i was also rape at the age of 10 this time i was rape by an older man we had mutual relationship with my family. A few years passed and my younger cousin went to court to testify against my uncle for molesting her. I specifically remember comparing my legs to someone I saw on the tv multiple times when I was quite young. Theres an awful lot of judgement going on here. No-one seems to have the professionalism and needed actions I would need. Sexual abuse can can be any situation where a child is exploited for the sexual pleasure of another. I guess what I really want from the confrontation is to explain why our sibling relationship has been so awkward for all these years (I mean, I dont think the memory is the ONLY reason we have an awkward relationship, but I do believe it contributes to it theres been cases when I was a young child and sexually violated MY brother because I was confused and didnt know better; basically learning the differences between right and wrong). I remember being really scared but liking it at the same time, because I liked him. Noah, we cant say. They werent the most professional people, and they didnt exactly treat the kids very well. Has someone inappropriately touched you in the past? Could you tell your mum that you feel depressed and want to see counsellor without getting into details? This multiple choice quiz functions as a supplemental piece to the resource, Your Consent Guide. I love my dad so much and hes always been an amazing father, so to have to confront him about this has been horrible. They fight is getting harder. She asked me, but I said no because I couldnt remember anything (I was about 10 years old and had tried to run away from home, it was because I was going into another school and it was a really bad one and I was afraid to go, as I hated school- I was always very quiet and shy). However when i ask the adult people that were in my life if they remember this man with the orange pick up truck (possible a ford old school) not one of them know him. But it wasnt the recommendation for trauma. I recently was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Oh and my mom is an alcoholic so was raised by an alcoholic mom and a woman beater dad who prob molested his own daughter. I only remember a few good memories. I have been with my wife now 10 years, before her I was in many many many sexual relationships all straight never had any thoughts of being with men, but 2 times now Ive had men hit on me and touch me not sexually but wanting to, saying things like wanting to see me naked and complements, I had to pretend I got sick once and another pretend I was sleeping so they would leave. Please,help. I now know that it has effected me lifelong and it has sent me into a deep depression that gets to suicidal thoughts which I never had before. This tumultuous relationship ended abruptly when on a dog walk with him he confessed his feelings for me and I didnt say anything, I dont think I said anything until we got back to his house. Made me over think and worry about things out of my control which has created anxiety and depression. Sometimes I get overwhelmingly sad because Im my heart I know something happened, I just cant remember what or by whom. I am 52 and have never realy dealt with this, and i believe it is to late for me to even try now but i hope all who have commented here get the help they need. Being sexually abused as a child can cause long-term symptoms of trauma, now called complex post-traumatic stress disorder or c-PTSD.